Date#1: Bountiful Brunch and a Seaside Stroll to boot!
Coffee Cup (858) 551-8514 – 1109 Wall St  La Jolla, CA -  A yummy cafe that offers some of the best banana blackberry pancakes that I’ve ever had.  Do check out their menu section that is dedicated to Spanish contemporary cuisine, as my date raved about it!  Enjoy indoor or outdoor dining.  With its funky, retro furnishings, this cafe has a simple, laid back vibe — always good for conversation.
La Jolla Cove & Children’s Pool- 850 Coast Blvd. , La Jolla, CA 92037
Continue your date, by taking a walk down to the Cove and Children’s Pool.   Be on the lookout for Seals and Sea Lions which love to hang out at Children’s Pool.  Bring along a frisbee to “play” with eachother!  Jump on the barnacle covered rocks by the seashore.  Laugh like giddy kids when one of you doesn’t quite make the next rock and ends up in the water.   It happens and it’s fun without costing you a dime!

Date#2: It’s Fun Getting Sweaty
For this date, go to Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods Market and stock up on water, some fun trail mix and fresh fruit, ’cause we’re going hiking.  Yes, my friend, get on your hiking shoes (actually tennis shoes are fine) and show your date you’re not afraid to break a sweat.   
Mission Trails Regional Park - (619)-668-3281- One Fr. Junipero Serra Trail, San Diego CA 92119
Now, I’m not going to send you on one of the killer hikes, just a nice relaxing fun hike.  And this part of the date is free!   The Oak Canyon Trail by the Old Mission Dam is the one for you.  Now, if you don’t want to go the 3.4 mile round-trip hike, then chose the path that leads to the right, just after crossing the footbridge.  It’ll take you to on a short .5 mile hike next to the water.  Find a nice rock by the Old Mission Dam and enjoy your packed respite.  
 
Date#3: Park & Play
I can’t stress enough how romantic a picnic is to girls…especially when it’s been all prepared by their date.  Pack a blanket for stretching out on and a lite, finger-friendly meal because we’re headed for romance at Balboa Park.   This is one date resource that should never be overlooked.  With more than eight gardens and 15 museums, there are so many great places to explore here that it could, quite possibly, take you multiple dates before you explored them all.  I like to park off of Park Blvd and Village Place, close to the Spanish Village Art Center.  The Art Center is a nice place to stroll and engage your date in a conversation about the arts.   Right across the street (in front of the Natural History Museum) is a huge Banyan Tree that offers nice shade and a great place to picnic.  You’re also within walking distance of the Botanical House which is always filled with such beauty and scents.   Want to make it a picnic dinner?   June through September Balboa Park offers “Twilight in the Park”, a free outdoor concert series.  Also of note, do the San Diego Zoo!  I adore it and it’s worth the splurge at $32 per person!  Sitting in the aviary, holding hands, speaking in soft voices as the birds tweet around you is a nice way to finish off the date, unless sitting in front of the apes is more your thing.

Date#4: Oh babe, you look beautiful with the wind in your hair
George’s Ocean Terrace (858) 454-4244 -1250 Prospect St La Jolla, CA 92037
Impress your date and the view’s not bad either!  We’re back to La Jolla for another goody.  This time it’s for lunch.  The Ocean Terrace amazed me with its beautiful unobstructed view of the Cove and delightful, fresh menu.  Even though it’s lunch, I still recommend making reservations to guarantee a table right next to the glass panes. At $11, their marinated and grilled fresh fish tacos with mango salsa, jalapeno-lime creme fraiche, guacamole and shredded cabbage are divine!
After lunch, head up to Torrey Pines Gliderport- (858) -452-9858 – 2800 Torrey Pines Scenic Dr La Jolla, CA 92037.  Another incredible view, as paragliders swoop through the sky like birds.  Paragliding is free flight (non-powered) in its purest form.   Watch as the paragliders foot launch their flying wing off the side of the cliffs.  Amazing and always an interesting conversation starter.  Oh yeah, when I was there the Eagles’, “Hotel California” came on and I thought, “how apropos!”  Best yet, it’s free to watch!

Enjoy Life and Start Dating!  For more free, fabulous tips on Dating go to www.SinglesDatingConvention.com

When you ask questions, remember, you aren’t looking for only the simple one line literal answer to the question. You are trying to provoke a conversation that lets the other person tell you about their self. In that spirit, remember to listen carefully, and ask follow up questions to keep the conversation flowing. Look at it as an opportunity to share common ideas, or even to give one another a friendly challenge. But do NOT try to compete or out brag one another. That would be a waste of opportunity.

There is no right or wrong answers. You’re only looking for information. If you ask a question and really need the other person to answer it a certain way, you’re bound to be disappointed. But if you get into a conversation, you may find them to be interesting even when they disagree with you. That’s good. Or you may find they’re over bearing, or uninteresting, or simply don’t share your values. That’s good too, because you won’t fight for a second date that you really shouldn’t be going for.

Remember, if you want a person to like you, get them to talk about their self. If you want to leave the impression that you’re a very interesting person, don’t talk about your own experiences and achievements. Listen to theirs. And if they don’t eventually ask you what interests you, then you know they’re pretty self centered, and that’s important information too.

Let’s look at some openers:

1. Do you like roller coasters?
People who like roller coasters tend to like sensation and excitement. They’re probably willing to take some risks. When you ask if they like coasters, no matter what they answer, ask them why. Get them to talk. If you don’t like roller coasters, and they do, chances are, they’re going to always make you feel uncomfortable. They’ll seem pushy and challenging. If you do like roller coasters and they don’t, there’s a good chance you’ll find them dull and boring. Two people who like roller coasters will probably have a passionate whirlwind romance, full of adventure and experimentation. They’ll tend to have fun. Two people who don’t like roller coasters may have a tendency to have a longer, more stable, more sedate relationship.

Questions that might be comparable: Do you like to dance? Do you karaoke? Have you ever been on stage?

A more circumspect approach would be, what do you like to do for fun, but it’s better to be more specific if you want to open a deeper and more interesting conversation.

2. What do you notice right now?
This question may surprise people, and they’ll ask what you mean. The question is designed to provoke their attention, so you’ll need to follow up. Ask if they’re willing to play a game. If they’re not, they are probably pretty difficult to get along with. That’s important info. If they say yes, ask them to close their eyes and tell you what they hear. Get them to reach for every subtle nuance, every bird, cricket, whisper and sigh. (This won’t work well in a noisy bar, but then again, a noisy bar is a terrible place for a date).

As they start to get into it, ask them what they feel. Their clothes, the chair, air moving on their skin. You’re only trying to find out how sensitive and aware they are, and how willing to play along and engage deeply with you. Why do you want this information? Two reasons. First, if they’re good at paying attention and connecting to their awareness, chances are they’re very responsible – they’re less likely to be clumsy and careless, more likely to tend toward success in life. Second, it indicates how they will be sexually. Will they have a tendency to connect and share sensual pleasure, or are they bothered by details and sensation.

If you’re interested in the rest of the questions, join our Singles’ Dating Convention Community Newsletter at the below link.

But on that first date, the Male and Female are running two different agendas – and if you really want to connect, you have to understand what the other person is thinking so you don’t mess up before you have a chance.

Everyone knows that the guy is thinking about sex in some shape or form, and how to get there. His only chance is to be interesting and play it cool. If he’s over anxious or awkward, he’s not going to be attractive.

Generally, guys will not ask probing questions to determine if you’re “the one”. You being the one depends on you being fun and easy to be with, and finding sexual compatibility. Whether you like it or not, he won’t decide he loves you until he’s had a chance to know these things through direct experience.

As we know, this gives the Female a lot of power and control. Women often run a long term agenda that starts on the very first date. Whereas he doesn’t know if he likes you until AFTER having sex, she doesn’t want to have sex until AFTER she knows she likes him. With this paradox to overcome, it’s a wonder people get together at all. This is the difficult answer to why sometimes guys don’t call after sex. You wouldn’t have had sex with him if you weren’t totally into him. But he didn’t make his decision until he had sex with you, and something about the experience didn’t grab him. There are important ways to avoid this humiliating outcome, but that’s for another blog. For now let’s get back to What Not to Ask a “Guy” on the First Date.

On the first date, do NOT ask questions that imply you’re already planning his future (even if you are). Give him some breathing room. (He has to control his impulse to push you up against the wall and take you right that minute. So be fair and control your impulse to push him into long term subjects) Be fun and interesting so he has a chance to like you. Your only hope for long term prospects is if he does like you. Specifically, do NOT ask the following 4 questions:

1. How much money do you make?
It’s not your business on the first date. It makes you look like a shallow person and a gold digger. Don’t ask what kind of car he drives either. It’s OK to ask what he does for a living because he may be proud of that. And if he wants to brag about his earnings that’s his business. But don’t ask. If you get enough longevity, plan your financial future together. Don’t make money the issue. Working class guys hate it. Rich guys hate it even more.

2. What was your last girl friend like? or the follow-up, Why did you break up?
Don’t ask any questions about past relationships. If you ask these questions you’re putting his attention on someone other than you. Now he won’t be enjoying your company. You may be asking him to relive painful or humiliating memories. There’s nothing to be gained by this. Especially don’t ask him how many women he’s been with, and if he asks you, don’t answer. Don’t let him identify you as a “slut”. It may be hypocritical, but he’ll never respect you if he doesn’t like the number.

3. Are you looking to get married?
All girls want to know if a relationship has long term prospects. But, even if he’s willing to get married, he doesn’t want to be confronted with it before he knows you. He may want to get married, but doesn’t know you well enough to choose you yet. But if he thinks it’s the way into your bed, he’ll probably say yes just to get you off the topic. That means you’ve asked a question that puts him off, and gotten no useful information anyway.

4. Are you interested in having kids?
Same as the marriage question. Don’t confront him with lifelong obligations before he has a chance to know you.

Guys really are simple. Don’t ruin your first date with big put-offs. Be fun, engaging, interesting and be interested in him (don’t do all the talking). In the next blog we’ll look at great questions you CAN ask on a first date, and great dates that help you to evaluate compatibility while having some fun.

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